Disappointed with myself

[jedijeff]

I have been having a tough past few weeks lately. Work has been causing me a lot of stress lately, but unfortunately it pushed me to do something I should not have done.

I live in a townhouse complex, and the past few days, my neighbors, probably unintentionally have been getting on my nerves. There seems to be a lot of young people in their late teens or early twenties in and out at my neighbors. The past 3 or 4 weeks have been frustrating for me, as they smoke, and for whatever reason, my house is starting to smell like an ash tray. When it is warm, I open the window in my office, or on my main floor, but the smoke blows in. I have also noticed that it comes through the open air vents in my house as well, so our two townhouses must share a similar venting system. I don't smoke, and my wife doesn't smoke and anybody that would come over to our house does not smoke, so suffice to say it really irritates me. Not much I can do about that, besides try and shield my home from the odors coming in.

Today, I let my temper get the best of me, which I am really regretting now. This morning, I went out in my yard, and on the ground by my back door was cigarette butts. Last night when I came home, they were having a party as there were a lot of cars and bikes in front of our townhouse. I guess in the evening, they were smoking in the backyard, and they must have been flicking their butts over the fence into my yard. There was only 3, but to me it hit a nerve as disrespect. They are free to smoke all they want, but to me they should dispose of their butts in their own yard, and it feels so intentional to me to toss them into another yard. They were probably drinking, as a few months back, after a previous party, there was a half full beer can in the middle of my yard, that they threw over the fence. I just brushed it off as young people. But this time, the cigarette butts just really upset me, most likely because I have had to smell the smoke consistently over the past few weeks. I called the Condo manager to leave a message, and hoping he will call me back tomorrow.

Later, I went out side, and they had cars parked across my driveway, thus blocking my driveway, so if I wanted to leave, I would have to find someone to move their car. I was in a bad mood, and some lady was standing by their door and asked me if I needed to get out, but I just grumbled and went back into my house.

Tonight, I walked outside again, and there parked across the driveway was another car. I was really upset, so I went in to get my camera and take a picture. Well after, one of the people in the car came and confronted me about it, as he did not like his picture taken. I told him I did not appreciate them parking across my driveway and throwing their cigarette butts in my yard. I told him if he needed to park across a persons driveway, then park across the people he is visiting. Well needless to say, it turned into a screaming match, and we both swore at each other and left.

I really reacted badly about this. Truthfully, I don't care about the young person I argued with, I am more concerned about my Wife. I get the feeling now, that my life is going to miserable as long as stay living in my house. I suspect now they will probably be pushing my buttons on purpose. I should have thought about my wife, and just left it at not taking a picture, and speaking to the Condo manager the next day.

I have been planning on moving, and have had my house for sale for awhile. I am going to try and expedite that now, and probably drop the price on my townhouse to sell quicker.

I reacted very badly, and very disappointed in the position I have put my family in now.

[Bryancd]

Jeff, I would have done the same thing. I don't take well to that kind of behavior. There is a point where enough is enough. Yes, a conciliatory approach will work better, but some times we just get mad. I would go over to the offending unit and talk it out now that calmer heads prevail.

also, I used to live in a condo and found that intolerable. Buy a house, you will be happier.

[jedijeff]

Yes, I will be buying a house, as It will so much the better. I have outgrown the townhouse life, and I do have an offer on a house pending the sale of mine. I am going to the bank to see if I can get into the house, and carry a few mortgages well I work at selling mine.

I am hoping to talk to the Condo manager tomorrow and hopefully smooth this over with cooler head.

Thanks for your post Bryan, it makes me feel a lot better.

[moyer777]

Things like this do happen Jeff.  I regret things sometimes too, but we are only human.  It isn't right that they would park in your driveway, and you have a right to be upset about it.  I had a neighbor just this last month that came upset with me. He thought my kids were launching fireworks into his yard and that we had burned his dogs mouth.   I tried to handle it the best I could, but he wasn't too reasonable.  I found myslef starting to lose it, but the kids were right there so it settled me down. 

Do you know these folks by name?  Maybe an apology on yelling, and then offer to buy starbucks and talk about it would help.  I don't know if they are reasonable at all. Like you,  I don't like confrontation at all, so I'm not sure if that is an option.

It will be interesting to see what the Condo manager has to say.

I'll be praying for you.

[Jen]

Hey Jeff. I understand where you're coming from. I live in a college town. My husband and I were students who graduated and bought a home intent on staying here for good. It's beautiful here in the Texas Hill Country and we both have good jobs near by. Problem is,  we're surrounded by partying frat boys. In the past, they have  thrown empty beer bottles and twelver boxes into our yard. When we first moved here about 10 years ago, someone actually walk into my garden through a closed gate, in the middle of the night, while chatting loudly on a cell phone. I heard him come in, as my garden gate makes a unique noise when opened. I jumped out of bed and looked out the window and there he was standing just on the other side, asking someone on his cell phone for directions to the party that was down the street. Dave turned on the flood lights and yelled at him and the guy promptly left.

A few months ago, we came home from visiting my parents who live about 100 miles away from us, and found a CAR PARKED IN MY FRONT YARD on our new Zoysia grass. I was absolutely livid. As soon as Dave parked the car I got out and headed down the street to the house where the party was raging,  with Dave jogging behind me trying to keep me from starting a turf war. The guys standing outside were agreeable and helped me find the disrespectful jerk that parked in my yard. He moved it ASAP and now we have large boulders lining our yard to keep people from parking there again. It has worked and we haven't had anymore issues.

The thing that bugs me most, is the disrespect. The lack of personal boundaries. They don't own the houses they live in like I do—there is no pride of ownership or respect of what others own. I live in a modest and culturely diverse neighborhood. The people who own their homes, however small, take wonderful pride in their houses. The ones that rent are sprinkled around, and you can tell which ones rent and which ones own. The ones that rent park their cars in their yards and dump their couches on the street when they move out. Not all of the renters are like that, some are very friendly people... but there are a few houses that are like revolving doors. It's always someone new and we have to start all over with them. I guess I'm just territorial. I grew up in the country and we NEVER had trouble with farmers next door. We dealt with trespassers with a loaded 12 gauge sitting hidden near by, just incase they turned out to be ax murders. In South Texas if you crossed one too many fences your intentions were not good. And this was proven many times as I grew up. The trespassers that walk into my yard in the middle of the night or park their hoopy in my yard, don't know how lucky they are that this isn't the Texas Brush Country...but I digress.  ;)

When we first moved in 10 years ago,  I was awakened by a riot that broke out between two parties. Yeah... they fought on the corner right outside our bedroom window. Again that was about ten years ago and since then things have REALLY settled down, especially since we've made friends with the duplex owner. He takes care of obnoxious renters for us and we don't have to call the cops anymore to settle them down.

I can understand why you would be upset Jeff, and I think you are  justified. I also understand your concern for your wife. I think Rick's advice is very sound, and it might make your life a bit more pleasant until you can move. Be careful.

[KingIsaacLinksr]

I can agree with everyone here.  We rent out a smaller house next to us, and although they keep to themselves, by the time they move out, some people leave it a wreck of a house.  It causes my Farther great sadness and anger as it was built by his parents.  As such, we've had to put heavy restrictions (no parties, no pets, no w/e).  (By heavy restrictions, I don't mean we barred the house up, just made some rules and severe consequences for breaking those rules.  It would be tough for "my generation" to follow these rules sadly). 

People are quite.......&*%*@&# annoying in the regard to personal property and space.  For me especially, its been something of a "war".  The main problem is, their parents never taught them the "right way", they are simply dirtbags, and quite often aren't religious in any form.  (Unless you call drinking, smoking, and partying all the time a 'religion') 

I can absolutely agree with you Jeff.  I would leave that situation and I would have easily lost my head, screamed, and etc.  Its infuriating as it is SO EASY to not annoy your fellow neighbor.  Seriously.  It is not hard.  I know many people, (my own former college room-mate for crying out loud) that respected personal property. 

Oh, and Jen, we have a gun safe for the same reason.  We don't tolerate trespassing.  You get close to the house without being invited...well, lets just say our family activity becomes target practice.  (Thankfully, this activity hasn't happened for a long while). 

I'd move Jeff.  I think you'll be a lot happier.  I hope your wife doesn't get too upset over the whole incident. 

Good luck!

King

[Meds]

Well to be honest Jeff i don't think you should feel bad at all. In fact i think you shopuld be rather proud that you stood up for defending your property. I lived (about 10 years ago) in a small flat with my pal, we'd had the usual trouble teens hanging around but because we lived above a shop people always hung around. One evening i heard bangs against the wall and looked out. About 7 kids were throwing stones at the windows. They never did it again once i had a had a word. By the sounds of it moving may be the best idea, its a shame bu peace of mind is all you want in life really. Expressing your feelings has to be done, you should be proud that you were vocal instead of going in fists waving. I hope all gets better soon.

[Chief]

Hey Jedijeff, I know the feeling. Like you, I avoit any kind of confrontation and whenever I have problems of that kind (especially my noisy neighbors) I kindly ask them to stop.

Problem is, sometimes people aren't reasonable.

At any rate, you shouldn't feel bad about the way you reacted. I think any of us would've reacted the same.

And I wouldn't worry about what they would do. Just try to warn the manager and, if you can, the police. That way there will be some kind of previous information about the incident.

Oh and I would also tell the neighbors to buy this:

http://gadgets.boingboing.net/2008/08/10/from-gremlins-to-you.html

Heh heh.

[Rico]

Jeff - you have my sympathy for what sounds like a very tough situation.  And it seems others here have had similar experiences.  (Jen - don't people get shot down in Texas for coming on to your land?!  That's the way it happens in the movies - hehe!  That's a joke by the way).

I agree that many people have no respect for others or their property.  One thing I have tried to teach my kids is both respect for others and manners.  Personally, my wife and I have worked hard for what we have and if someone messed with my yard or home they would probably have a big 6'4" guy in their face!  We are pretty fortunate to live in a nice neighborhood with pretty good people around us. 

I'm pretty good to forgive something once, but it sounds like this is an ongoing problem for you Jeff.  Like others have said, I would get out as soon as possible.  There is nothing better than having your own home, with some space around you.  Good luck man - and take a deep breath.

[Jen]

  (Jen - don't people get shot down in Texas for coming on to your land?!  That's the way it happens in the movies - hehe!  That's a joke by the way).

Yes. Case in point: my dad caught three men that we didn't know, rummaging through his truck in the middle of the night on our farm. My brother and sister and I were very young and dad was not simply protecting his property, he was protecting his family and discouraging future "run ins". Dad stepped out into the back yard with a 12 gage shot gun  and asked them in a quiet voice if there was something he could help them with. One of them started toward him, threatening him with a crow bar. Criminals are stupid. Dad said he pointed the shot gun at their car, to the right of the guy, and shot it. The guy dropped the crow bar and they ran to their vehicle, jumped in and pealed out. For effect Dad blew the back glass out of their car as they sped away. The police said we'd never have any more trouble and they were right, we never had anyone try to steal anything on our property after that.

We had a neighbor who was murdered by the phone book delivery man. She was about my age (14 at the time). So dad was a bit more cautious than most and taught us to be.

So, to answer your question...yes. ;)

[Rico]

Wild story Jen!  Your dad sounds like my kind of guy.  Good for him!

[moyer777]

I bet the guys in the pickup bought new underwear.  :)

[Blackride]

Time to move!

[jedijeff]

Hi All, thanks for your words of support, it means a lot to me. A good nights sleep, and a day of work helped me get myself back into a better frame of mind.

I spoke to the Condo Manager this morning about it, and I decided I am going to drop it, as it will probably be a lot less stress. If I run across the home owner, I might speak to her and let her know that I apologize for the confrontation with her son's friend. I guess my main concern is mostly for my wife, as I don't want her to be harassed, potentially, so since I am planning on moving, it might just be best to keep a low profile. I did go to the bank today to see about carrying 2 mortgages for awhile, it is not ideal, but might be an option I have to take right now.

Jen, I certainly empathize with your situation, you certainly have great Patience to tolerate some of the things you have had to deal with.

Thanks everyone again, it means a lot to me

[Bryancd]

Note to self.....never mess with Jen's family... ;)