Go Qantas, the only way to fly!

[davekill]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a
        "gripe sheet" - this tells mechanics about problems with
        the aircraft The mechanics correct the problems,
        document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots
        review the gripe sheet before the next flight.

        Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
        humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints
        submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
        and solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
        maintenance engineers.

        By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never
        had an accident.

        Enjoy!

        P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
        S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

        P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
        S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

        P: Something loose in cockpit.
        S: Something tightened in cockpit.

        P: Dead bugs on windshield.
        S: Live ones on back-order.

        P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per  minute descent.
        S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

        P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
        S: Evidence removed.

        P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
        S: DME volume set to more believable level.

        P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
        S: That's what they're for.

        P: IFF inoperative.
        S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

        P: Suspected crack in windshield
        S: Suspect your right.

        P: Number 3 engine missing.
        S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

        P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
        S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

        P: Target radar hums.
        S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

        P: Mouse in cockpit.
        S: Cat installed.

        And the best one for last....

        P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with hammer.
        S: Took hammer away from midget

[Meds]

Ha ha brilliant. Damn them midgets and their hammers.

[Bryancd]

I flew Quantas to Sydney 3 year ago. They are THE BEST!

[billybob476]

Always funny when I read this, last time I saw it it was referring to mechanics in the Canadian Air Force.