Trek must-nots

[cassious]

A friend over at phantomoftheopera.com, yes, I not only love ST, I also love musicals, specifically PotO, anyways, a friend over there made a list of 50 things you must not do if you somehow became a part of the actual Trek universe. Feel free to add your own!!

1. I must never attempt to polish Captain Picard's head

2. I may not go joyriding in the shuttle crafts

3. I cannot ask Worf why he looks so different from the Klingons from season one

4. I may not ask Geordi to read me a bedtime story

5. I must not ask the computer where my location is

6. I may not follow Captain Picard around asking what time it is every 5 minutes

7. I must not pinch Wesley Crusher's cheeks and tell him how cute he is

8. I may not list off random numbers when someone is recording a star date.

9. I must never try to counsel counselor Troi about her "relationship" with Commander Riker

10. I must not reprogram the food synthesizer in Picard's quarters to produce black coffee

11. I must not set Picard up on blind dates on the holodeck

12. I must not dress up as a Borg on Halloween

13. I may not play hide and seek on the engineering deck

14. I may not prank call people on the hailing frequencies

15. I must not ask for a security escort to the bathroom

16. I may not call for a red alert if I can't find the bathroom

17. I will not give Worf a tribble for his birthday

18. I may not run down the hallways singing the "mission impossible" theme with a phaser in my hands.

19. I must never point in a random direction and scream: "It's Q!!!"

20. I must refrain from asking Riker how many girls he has kissed

21. I must never flirt with Riker while Counselor Troi is around

22. I may not tell Picard that he would look like Mr. Clean if he pierced his ears

23. I may not sit next to Wesley with a clipbaord and pretend to be a driving instructor

24. I must never sit in Picard's chair and spin around in circles

25. I may not play tag on the bridge

26. I must not throw a surprise party for Picard and invite all the little kids

27. I must not talk to Data in riddles and puns

28. I may not ask Picard why he speaks in a Brittsh accent when he is French

29. I may not switch to emergency power because I want to play in the dark

30. I may not reprogram Data for my own personal use

31. I must not use Dr. Crusher's tools to alter my features as I please

32. I may not "borrow" Geordi's visor and pretend to be an X-men

33. I may not hover over Picard and ask "what'cha doin?"

34. I must not speak fake Klingon to make Worf angry

35. I must not use the transporter beam to abduct animals from other planets.

36. I will not not buy Picard a toupee

37. I will not hide my pets in Picard's ready room

38. I may not scan people with the medical scanner

39. I must not call for a medical emergency when I have a paper cut

40. I will not try to shave Riker's beard off while he sleeps

41. I must never ask Picard how the 'ol ticker' is doing

42. I may not make sound effects when the phasers fire

43. I must not do the bonding with Worf and later tell him that I am half Romulan

44. I should wander around the deck, pretending to be drunk

45. I will not say: "Belay that order" every time Picard says something

46. I will not hide in the Jeffrie's tubes when Picard calls for me

47. I must not install seat belts on the chairs of the deck

48. I must never say "engage" in place of Picard

49. I should never scream "I'm being abducted!!!" While in the transporter beam

50. I must never show this list to anyone

And here are some others added on that forum:

51)I must not tell Odo he does indeed have bedroom eyes

52)I must not try to pop the top off Data's head.

53)I'm not allowed to toy with environmental controls

54) I can't tell Sisko he copied Picard in his hairstyle.

55)I can't give Quark oo-mox to get what I want.

56)I can't move Odo's furniture when he's not in his quarters.

57)I must not say a trekkie in-joke then laugh at it all by myself

58)I must not follow Data around acting like Watson.

59)I must not be mean to Polaski, no matter how much I want to.

As I said, feel free to post your own!

[Jen]

I must not go to Commander Riker on the bridge and tell him to 'get out of my seat' (next to Picard)

LOL....good one. :D

I like #9 on the list the best cassious. :)

Here are a few of  my own additions:

I must not tell Dianna to take an Advil next time she senses a powerful mind.

I must not tell Riker he's old enough to be my dad.

I must not use the replicator to produce latinum.

I must not ask why no one ever  has to use the restroom...I don't want to know.

[cosmonaut]

I must not use the Enterprise as a springboard for atmosphere diving.

I must not use the transporter or phaser to solve interpersonal problems.

I must not test the limits of the force field from shuttle bay by jumping against it.

I may not make fried eggs on the warp core.

I must not use antimatter to get rid of persistent stains.

I must not encourage the men to wear miniskirts.

I must not use transporter to swap sleeping crew members.

I must not suggest the away team needs additional unnamed members from security.

I must not remark that it was quite fortunate the ethical quandary solved itself and no one has to get his/her hands dirty.

[KatzeKitty]

I must not suggest they replace the worn carpeting with a nice shag and paint a nice crackle faux-finish on the walls.

[Feathers]

I will not program the transporter to redesign everyones clothing on transit.

I must not disable Data's modesty subroutine.

[cosmonaut]

I must not disable Data's modesty subroutine.

related:
I must not use Urban Dictionary to fill gaps in/update Data's vocabulary.

[cassious]

I must not disable Data's modesty subroutine.

^^, but that'd be so much fun!!

I must not insist that Data demonstrate for me all of his 'many techniques' and prove just how 'fully functional' he really is  ;).

[cosmonaut]

Naughty! :)

I must not insist to see the video from Deanna's traditional Betazoid wedding.

[Feathers]

I must not open beer bottles on Worf's head ridges.

[ChadH]

I must not tell Worf that he has prune-juice breath.
I must not put force fields in front of all the restroom doors.
I must not set my communicator directly to voice mail.
I must not challenge Riker to a "beard off".
I must not stand behind Riker when he plays poker and say "Hey, what an awesome hand!"  

[KatzeKitty]

I must not do shots of Captain Morgan whenever Riker shows he "has a little Captain in 'im."

[sheldor]

I must not tell Worf his head looks a like fanny

[cosmonaut]

I must not tell Worf his head looks a like fanny

Oh, trust me, he knows: :D
Adult Swim Star Trek worf looks like a fanny

I must not use 20th century analogies.

[cassious]

I must not play the "PLay him off, keyboard cat" video on the viewscreen every time someone screws up.

[Darkmolerman]

I must not use the phaser to heat up my meal

I must not tell Picard resistance is futile

I must not ask where the blue box is

I must not go in front of Geordi cover my face with my hands and say "ooh you can't see me!"