The Perfect Sci Fi Woman (to me)

[Bromptonboy]

I can see where Sue and Jen are coming from - and I will take the reminder to heart - or 'Grok' it...  We all have a good thing going here with this virtual community - and I sincerely hope no one will leave.

[Rico]

I think I've said my peace here enough and don't feel the need to either explain or defend anything further.  People can make up their own minds about whether they want to remain friends and stay here or not.  I frankly can't quite believe such a tiny matter has created such a stir (plus Rob has already apologized for his comment and said it wasn't intended to offend).  I had thought we knew each other better and trusted each other a bit more too.  Anyway, I'm tempted to close this thread down to avoid any more fuel being tossed on the fire.  But for now it will remain open.

[Bryancd]

Good grief, go to bed and wake up to this crap storm.. How this has gotten to this point is dizzying. This really was very simple. LoneStar made a comment which although tongue in cheek and not meant to offend is a bit of a derogatory stereotype. We can all recognize how that can be interpreted as such. Sue took a bit of umbrage and felt comfortable voicing her feelings. I encouraged her that she should, thinking LoneStar would eventually see the thread and apologize. End of story. Instead we get pages of others trying to explain to Sue why she either shouldn't feel that way or is overreacting. God Lord. It doesn't matter as much what the intent of the comment was, what matters is how it was received. Telling Sue she shouldn't feel the way she does and arguing about it...well that would set me off big time and I wouldn't have been as kind as she was in her response. A shame and I hope she doesn't leave.

[Geekyfanboy]

Good grief, go to bed and wake up to this crap storm.. How this has gotten to this point is dizzying. This really was very simple. LoneStar made a comment which although tongue in cheek and not meant to offend is a bit of a derogatory stereotype. We can all recognize how that can be interpreted as such. Sue took a bit of umbrage and felt comfortable voicing her feelings. I encouraged her that she should, thinking LoneStar would eventually see the thread and apologize. End of story. Instead we get pages of others trying to explain to Sue why she either shouldn't feel that way or is overreacting. God Lord. It doesn't matter as much what the intent of the comment was, what matters is how it was received. Telling Sue she shouldn't feel the way she does and arguing about it...well that would set me off big time and I wouldn't have been as kind as she was in her response. A shame and I hope she doesn't leave.

I've been staying out of this conversation but have been chatting with Sue off boards. But I want to thank you Bryan for your comments.. it's very well said. And my thoughts exactly.

[X]

Good grief, go to bed and wake up to this crap storm.. How this has gotten to this point is dizzying. This really was very simple. LoneStar made a comment which although tongue in cheek and not meant to offend is a bit of a derogatory stereotype. We can all recognize how that can be interpreted as such. Sue took a bit of umbrage and felt comfortable voicing her feelings. I encouraged her that she should, thinking LoneStar would eventually see the thread and apologize. End of story. Instead we get pages of others trying to explain to Sue why she either shouldn't feel that way or is overreacting. God Lord. It doesn't matter as much what the intent of the comment was, what matters is how it was received. Telling Sue she shouldn't feel the way she does and arguing about it...well that would set me off big time and I wouldn't have been as kind as she was in her response. A shame and I hope she doesn't leave.

It wasn't my intent to tell anyone how to feel. My point is that we don't know if someone will find an innocent comment offensive until after it's made and that there is really no way to self-censor that. Everyone should feel free to voice their concerns when it comes to something, but I think that that consideration should go both ways. When we make comments, people will well comment on them and create discussion. I didn't see it as someone coming down on high to chastise Sue for her comments, but a logical discourse on the issues that were brought up. Again, I can't speak for everyone, but my intent was not to offend anyone and I don't think that it was anyone else's goal to offend someone.

People are 100% entitled to feel how they feel about any given issue. We can't brain-jack people into seeing the world through our eyes. Even something of pure benign intent might offend someone at some point. We all don't have the same moral, political, religious, or social compasses.

This place is also a melting pot on ways to deal with issues. Some people get emotional. Some people get logical. Some get defensive. Some go on the offense. Some try to joke to defuse perceived tensions. We each have our ways of discussing things and sometimes the very way something is being discussed can  lead to unexpected problems. I don't think that forum is a secret chapter for NO MA'AM nor do I think that it will become one.

At the end of the day, we need to remember that we can't know if someone is being offensive until after someone else finds a comment offensive. By that time the genie is out of the bottle and hard to put back in. We also have to remember that just as there are tons of people that will apologize for unintentional offense, there are also tons of people that won't apologize because they feel that they are not responsible for someone taking slight at what they thought was an innocent comment. The more diverse a group is, the more diverse they are at how to deal with issue of the community and the MANY problems that dealing with those issue can create.

I try to speak only for myself and remember that everyone here is an individual that can only speak for themselves. I try to respect the views and intent of others as much as I am capable of, but freely admit that I am flaws and prone to make the extremely rare mistake here and there. I also try to agree to disagree when a consensus can't  be met.

That's a lot of words to say something pretty simple. Sue shouldn't get beat up for voicing her opinion and LoneSpar shouldn't get beat up over a innocently made comment. And I'm not saying that either were or were not beaten up, just that understanding should go both ways.

[Jobydrone]

Well the lesson I take from this experience, is that no matter how right I may feel in a given position or discourse, it is not always necessary, every time, to express my opinion...especially when someone whose feelings I care about is hurt and feeling disrespected.  I feel pretty certain that there are people in this community that may take issue with statements I make occasionally that go against something they believe deeply, and may tempted to react but hold their tongues for the sake of keeping the peace and not getting involved in a fruitless argument.

I've also reached out to Sue privately and hope she chooses to accept my apology.

[Bryancd]

I feel pretty certain that there are people in this community that may take issue with statements I make occasionally that go against something they believe deeply, and may tempted to react but hold their tongues for the sake of keeping the peace and not getting involved in a fruitless argument.

Only when you say something bad about Apple, then the gloves are off. :)

[KingIsaacLinksr]

I feel pretty certain that there are people in this community that may take issue with statements I make occasionally that go against something they believe deeply, and may tempted to react but hold their tongues for the sake of keeping the peace and not getting involved in a fruitless argument.

Only when you say something bad about Apple, then the gloves are off. :)

I'm here now, because someone said something about Apple? 

;)  jk

King

[MARKO]

I felt a disturbance in the force.... did someone say something bad about Apple?

Marko